A virtue?

Ok, yeh... Im going to wait as long as possible before taking testosterone. But me being a spontaneous, reckless, home-and-away hating, impatient person....how long should I wait?

Too long will drive me insane.

Too quick is just irrespoinsible.

I'll be 18 in 3 months so Ill be my own man and legally able to help myself. My brother and my mother asked me to wait until I was atleast 21.

"There is no rush"

Well, there kinda is....

I dont wanna have too much of a life where people remember me as a female. I mean the good thing about my age at the moment is that by the end of next year I will have graduated and I never have to see those pathetic people at school ever again (I kid, they are woderful) which means they never have to see my transition.

So thats 1 reason. The time convinience. I can start a new life and job as a man without this messy "I once was a lesbian but now Im a bisexual male.." crap.

Oh, Today I got a package from Japan. It was a christmas present from the PTA!! YAY!! they bought me mens sports underwear (its made of lycra so its sweat absorbent) and a matching sports shirt. Both Nike.

Mum asked about why the underwear was made of that material to which I explained in a less gracious way.

"Its to stop you getting a sweaty sack"

Im sorry. Today Ive just been a totally moody dick.

Yeh... my mum isnt going to handle a transion well. Its going to take a lot of time. Im not made or angry or anything negative towards her...umm... fears? I dont know what to call them. I guess more than anything Im interested to hear how she REALLY feels. I must be strange to 'loss your daughter'. And Im not the first one she's lost so I guess this is especially difficult for her.

I'll be honest and say that there have been more than a few moments in my life when I felt bad because I couldnt be her little girl like she wanted.

I saw my weird and wonderful doctor again today. I just wanted a perscription for my wonder-meds but he booked me in for a full chat... which is ok. Talking to him means Ill learn something new.

Today I learnt about penis deformities (that would require a man to sit down) and the proper word for man boobs ... WHICH I KEEP FORGETTING GOD DAMN IT I MUST WRITE IT DOWN!

And he learnt about binders. All good. The lovely ladies at the desk phoned up a shrink for me and so Ive got an appointment with this guy who's name escapes me... anyway.. .Ill be seeing him in January. He specialises in these kind of cases I think so hopefully by February, I'll have a few things sorted and Ill be a step closer to finding out my true identity and such

What day is it today... 4th? yay! Its about 80 days till I can see my girlfriend!!! YAY!! YAY YAY!!

81 days 10 hours 28 minutes and 10 seconds (and counting) if you wanna be exact....

But I mean... who's counting?

What else was I gonna blab about... oh... my binder. Well the doctor pointed out sweat stains. I totally didnt notice. Yeh, I think it is a little... umm.. well... not as fresh as it could be. But I mean, only having one (and I wear it almost every day) means that there isnt much time for me to wash and such...

And.... its rolling up sooooo bad I just MUST find out what the hell to do about that. Im thinking about adding a special trim to the end of it and filling it with led pellets.

My mother makes dolls so those little lead shavings are easily accessible to me.

If I end up doing it, Ill let you know how it goes.

Im just a little nervous about fiddling with it because if I fuck up, there is 60 dollars and 2 weeks of my life gone!

Well, tomorrow Im working...again... so Ive got to be up early (8am.. shut up its early for me) to work until 5. Then Im gonna crash at Waffles and play super mario smash brothers.

Aaaah to be young again...