Updatedness

Nothing really to report. I havent grown anything or lost anything. Its all rather boring at the moment.

I want to cut my hair...but Ill wait until after the series of weddings next month to do it.

I must remember Im not one of those playdough men. If I cut my hair itll take a while to grow back.

IVe also been rather ill. I woke up with a migraine, vomiting followed. Next day, vomiting...followed by intense diarrhoea and the forecast is for the same.

I a glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel (or my anus, whatever.) Its been 10 hours since Ive ejected anything.


Oh and I have a job now. Unfortunately its working outside in the heat.

Mistaken

I was mistaken at the train station yesterday for a girl. Im wondering if it was because of my looks or because of the odd look I was giving!

This Metro worker was telling us to leave as they were closing up. And I was staring at him in a confused kind of way which he may have interpreted as offended. He quickly said, "oh, sorry, I mean ma'am"

Which prompted a face from me that was very much like o_O

"Oh, sir, sorry"

Then some other officials came over and joked that if we stayed to long we'd be sold on the streets. The same guy referred to me as the "pretty one" and made a comment that Id sell fast or something.

That was a blast from the past!

Anyway Waffles and I went a wandering around the city and I was snared by a drunken women who said I was very cute like a little teddy or puppy and she wanted to keep me.

I suppose that patched up my ego.

The hairs on my chin are getting dark and think but its still only a few that are. And its all under my chin! Very weird.

High Heels

High heels...

NOT SEXY!

It shits me off to see women wearing them and it shits me even more to be stuck with a woman wearing them.

No human is suppose to wear them and do you know how annoying it is being with someone who cannot partake in normal activities, such as WALKING, because of the stupid choices of clothing they've made.

Young Gender Swappers

I dont know how I feel about this. Its really difficult. It seems mainly boys are swapping genders at early ages. Ive only heard of one report about a girl doing it. No, wait, make that two.

I dont understand how kids became tearful. My gut tells me that that happened most likely from the grilling their parents gave them for details upon returning home.

It's cruel to say "No, you are too young to know what is best for you".
Because its both true and untrue. The degree of that varies depending on the case.

Which is why I'd agree on a case-by-case diagnoses.

Yeh, its really messy and I cant say much about it. Apart from, you cant completely deny them. If they are in distress then I think a blantant "no" isnt something parents should give.

In reference to the article, the school was a little stupid about just surprising everyone.

--

Progress news?
There is no news.

Oh, ive gotten fatter...

Updates

Im trying to stay fit and healthy but its not working. I'll relapse every other day and have a bag of chips or something. Damn this crap being hard. Im shooting for 5kgs. Its a lot given how much I actually weight but I know Ill miss and lose only 2kgs or something so its all good.

Ive also got a amateur photo shoot coming up. I have been keeping my skin clean. Thats working out really well.

Ive stopped shaving my lip though because if i do, i seem to get a lot of acne.

The hair there isnt getting very thick still. Its rather wispy still.

Death favours the man who laughs at his jokes.

The wonderous Marco

It seems I opened up a new blog and whilst in the shower the cat decided to publish it for me... Cheers Marco.

Anyway I just wanted to pop in and mention again how weird it is for some of Mums friends to call me "He" and some to call me "She".

very amusing.

Oh and for the record my Mum still calls me "She". I think for the most part in public too.

More lively updates

OMG, did I miss batman begins?!

I totally heart batman. I would have loved to see it ... again.

Well, I am allowed to take my Provisional Permit test in a short while (2 weeks?). I'm stalling. Im just so darn scared, ok?

Im definitely not good enough to do VORT (which is an instant test resulting 99.9% of the time in an instant fail). So I will be doing CBT (Competency Based Training). The Dealio there is you go out on a certain number of drives and complete a list of 'skills'. Each one having to be done twice in order to prove your competency.

Ive entered in a bunch of car competitions and other competitions too. All hoping I can buy me a set of wheels.

My mum suggested that I stop T now that I have my voice. I was like n0 F^
Moment to make fun though;
Period? Really? It's called a Period...Doesnt that strike you as amusing a little?

Sorry, for someone that had horrific 'periods' (and I know another reader can agree with me). They are not so much periods are they are an era.

Yeh thats not going to be something I sign up for in a hurry.

That and my beard hasnt fully set in yet
I know Im totally going to regret it with the pain of shaving but I just have always wanted one!

Just for randomness sake I'll put my measurements up.

Oh first did I mention that my dick is now like 3cm something? That's like a 1cm growth in a year.

w00t w00t! PROGRESS!

Ok, now onto stats

Waist 74cm 30" (was 28")

Bust 89cm 35" (no idea what I was...shall we say...not a lot?)

Shoulder 41cm 16" (was 14")

More uneventfulness

Nothing is happening. Still no job.

Saw the new Harry Potter movie.
(Its improving from its previous slump of crap)

Listened to Interview with a Vampire by Anne rice (audiobook)
(It was crap)

Currently reading Lord of the Rings
(It's different... but possible crap too)

Gym is paying off as I have mentioned before. I look good. Or as Tony would say Grrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

My hair is getting long. My facial hair is still .. annoying and whispy.

I've got an interview tomorrow. God, I hope I get it. Its for one of those OnTheRun Subway places. Its close to my house (that's good!) but itll be night shifts (that's bad!) however it'll be good to be earning money (that's good!) but it means I'll be working in the food industry again (....that's bad)

PHOTO TIME!



As you can see Ive got some pecs now (under all the boobie fat..or Moobs as they are sometimes affectionately called). My shoulders are bigger.

Oh and be it known that Im embarrassed by both photos and it took a great deal of effort to put those feelings aside right now.

No news is good news

I've got the shrink again next week.

Nothing had changed really. My facial hair is still, duh, getting thicker and darker. Ive got more and more black hairs now on my chin but they piss me off.

I had a hormone drop (I think) because I suddenly felt really depressed but now its lifting.

Im tempted to blame the moon (because it feels like its coincides) but I wiki'd it and there seems to be no correlation.

Love and Peace to you all!

While the cats away...

Thanks for the kind words guys.

Dr Lyons went on in our last session that the only reason he only put me on the clinic because it'd be safer that letting me manage my own testosterone.

Which is a little against what he said the other time when surgery 'would have been in November [08]' .. or 09 .. i forget now.. anyway!

yeah so there seems to be these different dates and opinions coming out of the same mouth. Its... rather confusing.

My blood results came back and I have a Mid level for T and a high level (for a dude) of estrogen.

..but nothing seems to be being done about that.

When I got my injection it hurt in a different way. It felt ok to go in (which was the weird part) but this time it didnt burn down my leg, it hurt up my spine ish area. And I said "Ah, thats hurting"

and Rosie said "what kind?"
"burning. Like the pain when you have alcohol in a wound"
"Well, I use Iodine.. so maybe your just a wuss"

And its not the first time shes said such a thing to me. I get a little annoyed because its ... well, stupid dont you think?

Someone who has been oppressed by binary gender systems and a compulsory heterosexual society (ooo fancy words!) to then turn around and preach the same message.

Very odd.

But after I walked home pissed off I saw it from a different light.

We cant change the world to the way it should be (because I dont think we know yet how humans are 'suppose to be') so we have to do our best, which is, to conform.




So it seems to be the idea of the clinic that Im not trans and well, yeh its annoying I suppose. But I shrug at them... I know what I am.
I like what I am.


Oh some boasting here; all this gym work is paying off. Man I look Ho0o0OoT
Its just a damn shame I cant have chest surgery yet otherwise Id be parading around topless (more often).

Feeling Shaky

I was feeling fantastic the other day. Ive been working hard at the gym and now my muscles are huge. My abs (which weren't well defined either) are now looking great.

Its been about 3 weeks since I signed up?...about that.


Came home and mum asked if Id talked to doctor lyons about reverting back to my female form (ahahahhaha). He said it is possible. But I dont feel comfortable about the idea. So Ive denied the financial assistance.

Out of the kindness of his heart, Dr Lyons also wiped my debt.

Anyway back to my mum. She said that she "wasnt convinced by what she's seen recently" that Im serious about what Im doing.

Analysing that the things Ice been 'doing recently' would be Clay and I pray to god that shes not referring to him and using him as a reason to why I shouldn't transition. For Safety's sake, I think I should stop having him over as much.

... apart from that I have no idea what shes talking about.

when I asked her to elaborate she said that even as a child I liked to shock people.

Thats true. I did.
As a practical joke.

Although I think this is kind of over the line, dont you think? And I find it offensive that people say this.

I do get a kick out of making crude jokes about my gender. But I don't like causing a fuss. The entire point of my transition was to stop standing out. Isnt that the goal? For most people anyway, to be able to blend in?

I reflected on my time in Japan when I first admitted I was trans and that I couldnt stand 'it' any longer.

My entire attraction to Japan and the Japanese is based around the messy gender-lines in their culture. I could be myself and there was no hassle. It was awesome. No matter how crazy I dressed or how long/short my hair was.. or anything like that I could still be androgynous and nobody gave a crap.

Gender wasn't something assumed by what you did or what you wore there.

It was a country of gray.

But at the same time is a place of conformity... very hard to explain. When I was asked to participate in.. the formal rituals of life. Schooling etc. I couldnt handle how rigid they were.

I couldnt wear a dress.
I couldnt handle the duties I was assigned.
I couldnt stand the social position I was forced to assume.



So yeh, I cracked.

I went a little off topic but what Im trying to say is that its offensive to think that Id deliberately ostracize myself just to grab attention.

I wish there was a way I could pour the pain and memories into a bottle to show them.
Of the times I tried to do 'what I should'.
Of the hours I spent on google, in books, watching movies... looking for someone! a character! or a word! Something that describe the reality I was experiencing.

My intense search though is probably something I should revisit. I remember 'Shinjuku boys' was a documentary I was searching for relentlessly. It was about these drag kings (I think one identified as Trans). Which sounded like what I was like... except I didn't want to get out of 'costume'.

Then I saw someones Vlog on Youtube and that was it. I feel like I was connecting.


----
Progress wise... the hair on the back of my legs has gone nuts. And my dicks gotten bigger again...Its cool I suppose to have a bigger dick but Im having a lot of trouble wanking. Yeh, there is probably a lot of awkwardness for friends who are reading this so Ill leave it there.

If a transguy is reading this.. have you used a flesh light? Whats the results?

Repression

To save me re-writing a lot Ill just show you what I sent to the OZGUYS ftm forum.

-----

Hi, just so you dont have to listen to me go on about what my identity is and we can then get onto the good stuff Ill give you the short version.

- I don't deny I have female genitals
- I feel more comfortable in a male lifestyle
- I feel more comfortable with the sexual characteristics T has given me
- I look forward to chest surgery

My life as a girl was stressful and I felt like I was cross dressing.

Im deeply into the masculine side of femininity.
And somewhere on the effeminate side of masculinity.

Which brings me to my little...uh.. problem.

My mum has offered to pay for my Shrink on the condition that he start pushing me in the direction of making me female.

The money is tempting because I'm unemployed.

But does this stuff really work? Can they repress you like that?

I don't think the doctors FORCE you into any which way, they just listen to you and go "ok, we'll if you think its right for you then here you go."

Anyway, I'm just a little confused and need someone to bat the idea around with.

-----


Yeh, so that's what just happened. I don't remember how it came up but mum said she'd pay for me to go see Dr. Lyons 3 times a week (which is impossible as he works only 2 days a week). The condition is, as I stated in the letter, I be convinced to live as a girl.

Doctors cant ethically do that (as far as Im aware of). Because its a liability mainly.

Although it is tempting.

I seriously cant imagine my life as a girl. Or a lesbian. I couldn't handle that. I enjoy not being noticed!!!! I love looking normal.

Somehow I feel this is partly because of Clay. His frequent visits could possibly be giving Mum the idea that with his unknowing aid a straight-female-lifestyle could be a reality.


Moments like this make me reflect on the path Ive been cutting for myself. Then I look ahead at the track yet to be beaten. I wonder if I could be doing something more effective with this machete?

Ebay Mania

Im getting hooked.

Ive been selling some school uniforms on there (who would have thought there was such a market for used Japanese Girls' Uniforms? .. oh and if you are wondering Im selling a 14y/olds uniform now PM me for a special deal!!!!)

I also was hooked into buying some Aussie Bums underwear. The name hooked me, really. The only qualms I have with buying the dacks is that they are from Hong Kong.

Yes, Im very much against this 'made in china' crap. I dont want them getting the upper hand!

Anyway, so I managed to get me a good pair of blue aussie bums and another red pair for under 10 bucks. Ill be passing the red pair onto Waffles though because he was hawking the auction too. I just beat him to the punch.

In transitioning news... not a lot.
I missed my appointment with Dr Lyons and now most probably have to pay the $200+ fee. And I have to purchase my sustanon soon (another 200+ ). Eek.

Ive been saving up for it though so I hope it all pans out. The selling of my collection on uniforms is probably paying for the most of it.

What a bitching blog.. urg...
well, nothing interest happens anymore.

Oh I used the male toilets when I was with my mum shopping. I thought, I shouldnt have to walk on egg shells for the rest of my life. As I went in though she uttered a 'disgusting'.

In 17 days Ill be taking another pregnancy test to see if any of those bastards have gotten through. I doubt it.

Annnnnd, Ive got an appointment with my Gyno which I must remember to ask her about those damn cysts!

Dreams

I keep having these weird dreams every few months or so that I get chest surgery. I think i mentioned that before. But in all these dreams, its only on one side.

And it doesnt seem to bother me :P

I wonder why its only one side though. I think its usually the right side that I fix.

Almost 10 months on T

Yeh and the facial hair is starting to kick in some more. The hair around the side burny area has thickened up and is getting the occasional dark hair.

Im thinking about writing a book at the end of all this. A comedy of course.
Or perhaps doing some stand up event. But, not having a good history with mobs.. i might pass on that idea.

Im in the process of growing my hair out. Im allowed to cut it (for styling only) in October. Which, from the time I last shaved it, would mean it should have on average grown atleast 11cm.

Remarkable!

Did I say i got my Ls? Yeh back in Feb/Early March. I try and do as much driving as possible... but the fact is its just not possible.

Under the current laws I have to do 50 hours driving and 10 of that has to be at night. Then, after 6 months Im allowed to do the test for the Ps.

Ive been warned that Ill be used as a chauffeur. And I dont really mind.
I mean, Ive always wanted to kill you all but to have you willingly say "yes, please let me sit in the death seat!"

Well!...
Im just elated!

So just a general warning to all those in my area who live, walk, learn, work, watch Home&Away .. I might run you down.

My dick seems to be getting bigger... which is surprising me because I thought that was it. Im interesting in buying the Andro Extender. Its a penis enlarger that actually works! Lol.

No in all seriousness, this thing has been getting a fantastic wrap. And I think I read it was going to be used in the medical field for people with micropenis (note: my condition is called pipinna nullus)

The catch is its $300.
And with that same money I could buy me a suit^^

The irony being both things are, in the end, purchases made out of glutton. I dont need either and could put that money towards paying rent .. or better yet! my education!

HAHAHAHA

Who am I kidding.

Work

Ive logged on with Jobsearch which is the new name for the doll. But Ive violated my conditions. Apparently I had to be there everyday but to my understanding I thought I just had to do my hours over 2 weeks.

My fault for being so sleepy when I went to the first induction.

Jobs are far and few between. Ive applied to everything Id like, a few things that I dont like and mostly jobs Im qualified for.

Its been 3 weeks of daily searching.. which has resulted in two offers.
Illusive Cube.
Which I thought sounded really good but I googled it and people were saying its a scam.

and....

porn...

Ive got 2 dollars in my bank account and I dont have a valid bus ticket so that last option is starting to look really good.

So far...

Last night I went to Maslins with Clay at about midnight until 3am ish. That was interesting. The stars were amazing. The sex was good too.

However in the dark he made a ...misfire? and rammed himself up my ass unlubed (apart from my own, if that counts). The pain, oh god, the pain. Its like getting ice cold water poured on your naked skin. But instead of ice cold water.. its ice cold needles.

My body locked up as I let out this yell. He quickly withdrew (which isnt as relieving as youd think)

Its very conflicting because I can feel that Ive got a really hard erection when something is embedded in my ass.

I dont see why women detest ball sacks so much...I think they are cool and they feel nice.

If any of my friends read this btw,
If you speak to me about my girlfriend, you will face my wrath.

It seems just good manners if you hear bad news about someone and they havent told you personally yet, then they arent ready to talk about it or dont want to discuss it.

GOD my ass hurts...

My depressions now going for 10 or 11 days now? Im not sure.. Im so bad at counting days but its been over a week. And all this going out and talking to friends doesnt help. However if I stay home I get really annoyed.

Oh, I guess I should talk about my transition.

WElllllp,

Im never going to be a girl. And Im happy like that. Im happy with how my body is (despite the breasts, still want them gone).

A lot of this have moved around in my head and I guess I cant really type them all out because they are 'ways of looking at things' and despite all the people trying to, you can write out a view point.

I believe so anyway.

In regards to the psychothe-rape-me, Id like to quote GIRL INTERRUPTED .. (again)..

"you lie down, confess your secrets and you are saved! Ka-ching!"

I went to my last session and coughed up a few big dark secrets and he seemed really happy. He doesnt really give much of..advice.. or anything. He just sits and listens.. which is possibly what annoys me. Because I was under the assumption that Id be challenged or given some sort of homework or advice. You know, food for thought.

But Im left rather hungry and having to find my own conclusions.

Which is what I was doing anyway...
so just sign my surgery forms and let me be.

Another note that pops up in my mind is, what happens to the people who dont question themselves or try and find their own answers (Which surprisingly in this day and age, there are a LOT of!)? Do they just pay their money and move on without another thought to the fact that they payed some guy to sit and listen to them?

If you haven't noticed Im still bitter about not having top-surgery.
I think Im going to print off some legal papers showing that he doesnt have a reason to hold me in limbo and the surgeon Id like to have to do my surgery along with reasons why...

A new world

Rodders@ Who says I dont?

Well, it seems to be a new world or a very late new year for me.

As of about 2 days ago I broke up with my girlfriend on the grounds that Im a horrible person who doesnt understand monogamy and definitely needs time to grow up and stop being an ass to everyone is his life *gasping deep breath*. So yah.

Which is a darn shame because I do love her. Its just hard to keep your own head above water without someone else hanging onto your feet with all their baggage too.

Sounds a little selfish.

Last week I also got myself sickeningly drunk. (you know, to the point were you vomit in your sleep?)I was lucky enough to be woken up and given a seconds notice before staining my sheets a very nice shade of purple (no sarcasm intended!)

At the moment Im currently sort of seeing this guy whom I shall refer to as Clay. Hes about 23 and freaking huuuuuuuuuuuuge! ... in height that is. But no complaints, definitely, anywhere else. Hes a great guy and a delight to talk to. And I feel a little guilty that he has to be the guy that Im using to define my sexuality. (yes, Im a slow learner)

For some reason I have this need every now and again to have sex with guys.

However, when I do have sex with men I find it (usually) unsatisfying. Clays had his moments though so there is hope yet.

My obsession seems to be with the penis and Im finding myself thinking what a shame that it has to be attached to a man. I mean, I just love soft sparkly abundantly breasted women too much. Vaginas are ok.. but dicks are just cool.

I love playing with it, the taste of cum and doing whatever to keep it hard 'n' happy.

When Im 'at work' is the only time Ill get horny with a guy.

Mmm, a little random but Im yet to have a male-male sexual experience that tops my memories of when my now-ex-girlfriend and I fucked around with our gender and she got to be on top.

Ill tell you, nothing feels better than being pounded by a gorgeous girl while you play with her jiggling tits.

While Im on the topic of grossing you out, Ive got a friend who gives excellent head. She refuses to give me her secret which is a shame because thats knowledge that could be put to use for the good of all tranny-kind! Oh and shes got massive jugs. I dont know why thats important though...

Oh wow, Ive really gotten off topic. So lets summerise and continue.
Im single.
Ive cut back on my drinks.
Im trying to 100% certify my sexuality ('cause i feel my gender is all set)

And Im also trying to improve my personality, people skills and get in touch with my feelinh (no, no, dont be confused between feelings and ur 'feminine side'. Im going to start listening to my heart... not rampage around and expect all to be forgiven because of a three letter acronym)

So Ive got a long road ahead of me. But I hope at the end of it Ive succeeded.

Back in Action

Hello hello..

Hi Rodders, nice to hear from you.
And hello to Marcus. Thanks for your advice, I hope to hear from you again.
... and I think I might actually know who you are...but anyway

Recent Issues in my life include:
Nothing.
Nothing interesting is happening to me. I suppose I dont mind.

Im Job hunting (with no luck) thats about it.

Yes, Im still dating my girlfriend Ash.. that seems to be a common question. Its going to be 2 years in July or something.. I never remember anniversary stuff.

Im focusing on building a great body, keeping healthy (I refuse to jog or walk. Both, I detest!) and trying to fix my posture. Generally, Im doing an overall body polish up.

Ive been off the anti depressants for a while and Im feeling ok. Getting down every now and again but last week and tonight have to be the worst. I attribute them to my relapse into the female hormones. damn them!

In progress news, I now shave my upper lip because it really should be done. Lest I become 'hair lip steve' (family guy joke)

I got my L's a few weeks back. Ive been driving a lot (for those who live near me, have you noticed the path of destruction?)

Today I woke up with something that felt a lot like period cramps. Ive been having them off and on, even pre T. What Ive gathered is that these can be caused by cysts on the ovaries (which I have). I suppose I can endure the pains opposed to ripping my insides out but I guess this is something to discuss with the gynecologist.

I was born in NSW but have lived here since I was about 2 or 3. For some reason I thought that meant I was then to follow the laws in regards to changing gender in SA. I hope that I was right, otherwise (as far as I am aware) Ill have to get two forms of surgery.

Its kind of sad, I suppose a sign of the times, but the only reason I want to change my gender is so that my Reandron becomes cheaper. Otherwise I really couldnt give a shit about that little F printed on the computer screens or on the government forms.

On the topic of chest surgery (I think Ive mentioned this before) I will miss my breasts. Not exactly in a fond way but in the same way as when you rearrage the furniture in your house and you keep expected to trip over that same footstool only to remember that you moved it.

I cannot picture what my chest will look like after surgery. I know I wont regret it. Amazingly, no matter how much I fuck up my life I dont feel regret or remorse. Its only when my decisions start to hurt others that I do. But it will take some getting use to.

I feel a pressure from my Shrink to adhere to 'gender norms'. As a guy I should talk to more guys. Have guyish hobbies. Be a man. Get some balls.

But the fact of the matter is, Im not a guy.
Nor was I raised as one.
Nor will I ever be one

You can stamp, snip and sign whatever you like - It wont be true ... for me.

Im a social evolution that can be assimilated to a gay man in character.
I posses both male and female 'social' traits.

Sorry, this will turn into a massive rant.
I know its my fault for letting a comment get to me thus Im justifying my actions out loud here -

Gender, like all other aspects of humanity, is a never ending variety
To categorise or divide it would be like organising snowflakes.

Urg.

Half the people in the world are insane,
Why am I paying for someone to judge me

><


Oh, and Ive grown out of my binders.. if anyone is looking for an M sized Underworks binder let me know.


Some before and after photos as well.. (I dont want to show you the actual photos from my progress folder. Thats a little embarrassing)


BEFORE
(17 y/o)






AFTER
(About 9 months on T)

Progress Report

Hello. Im a day before departing Japan and heading back to my smoldering home.

I must admit Ive got mixed feelings. I miss my friends and a few Australian comforts but I know that there is a heap of crap waiting for me too. I dont particularly want to face my shrink.

I dont remember if I mentioned but as of this month the countdown begins on until when Im allowed to have surgery. The time frame was 2 years since joining the clinic.

Now you can understand why Im a little pissy. As Ive been seeing him since Feb 08 and was accepted onto the program in Nov 08 but the actual counting doesnt start until Feb 09 when I get back from my holidays. Its all justified I know and petty on my part but come onnnnnn!!! So yeh, I wont be able to get surgery until Im 21.

Which is a real kick to the gut as you can imagine (I was too naive, believing his origanal estimate of Nov 09).

The grounds for which are;
a) Im too young
b) Im a risk taking person (which is coupled with the borderline personality disorder)

which I dont think I have. I scoured over the articles on it on Wiki... and yeh... I dont really associate with it. Not enough to say `Thats definately it!`

The following thought is a little messy but.. isnt it kind of like double standards here? He wants to spend more time with me and delve more into my issues. Which means he doesnt really know me very well. However, he can say that he knows enough to bar me from getting surgery?

Another odd thing is he`s making assumptions (which can be blamed on me for not being honest) and using his assumptions or the half of the story he wants to hear as reasons for me being a risk.

I was given the option to go see another shrink. I dont know whether or not I should take it. Either way he will be on the gender clinic board and probably voting against me.

The other issue that has been bothering me is the limit we have on choice in regards to surgeons. Off the bat, Ill say thats scary. It scares me that there doesnt seem to be much room for discussing other options (interstate, international). I mean, its MY body we are talking about... I dont think anyone else should have the final say but me.

This lead me to think perhaps if I want to be serious, I should move. However this is expensive and rather dramatic for something so small and simple.

The other plot that I had in mind (which came to me after my shrink told me) that I can have surgery illegally without their permission (but itll make changing my gender later in life harder). BUT, would it be possible to have the surgery and just not tell anyone?

The requirements to change my gender demand that I have two forms of irreversible changes. Hormones being the first and top surgery being the second. But what if (as i would have had my breasts removed secretly) I had some sort of bottom surgery?

An interesting idea.
I think its a shame that someone would have to consider such an insane way around such obstacles in order to rid themselves of a deformity.

onto the progress report

HAIR
My leg hair has grown a lot an after a glance in the mirror, my ass has turned into some sort of forest.

Im also getting darker hairs around my nipples but not so much anywhere else

The hairs on my lips are thickening and multipling. I also have four black hairs on my chin, forming the most pathetic goatee in history. Side burns dont visibly exist but the hair around there is coarser.

Also, might be my imagination but my hairline maaaay be reciding!


FACE
Acne is bad but this is mainly attributed to diet. The Japanese food has really cleared up my skin

DEFINATELY my jaw has changed shape. Ive got a thicker and broader jaw now and it makes me look very manly. Still cute.. but in a more twinkish way.