Hello. Im a day before departing Japan and heading back to my smoldering home.
I must admit Ive got mixed feelings. I miss my friends and a few Australian comforts but I know that there is a heap of crap waiting for me too. I dont particularly want to face my shrink.
I dont remember if I mentioned but as of this month the countdown begins on until when Im allowed to have surgery. The time frame was 2 years since joining the clinic.
Now you can understand why Im a little pissy. As Ive been seeing him since Feb 08 and was accepted onto the program in Nov 08 but the actual counting doesnt start until Feb 09 when I get back from my holidays. Its all justified I know and petty on my part but come onnnnnn!!! So yeh, I wont be able to get surgery until Im 21.
Which is a real kick to the gut as you can imagine (I was too naive, believing his origanal estimate of Nov 09).
The grounds for which are;
a) Im too young
b) Im a risk taking person (which is coupled with the borderline personality disorder)
which I dont think I have. I scoured over the articles on it on Wiki... and yeh... I dont really associate with it. Not enough to say `Thats definately it!`
The following thought is a little messy but.. isnt it kind of like double standards here? He wants to spend more time with me and delve more into my issues. Which means he doesnt really know me very well. However, he can say that he knows enough to bar me from getting surgery?
Another odd thing is he`s making assumptions (which can be blamed on me for not being honest) and using his assumptions or the half of the story he wants to hear as reasons for me being a risk.
I was given the option to go see another shrink. I dont know whether or not I should take it. Either way he will be on the gender clinic board and probably voting against me.
The other issue that has been bothering me is the limit we have on choice in regards to surgeons. Off the bat, Ill say thats scary. It scares me that there doesnt seem to be much room for discussing other options (interstate, international). I mean, its MY body we are talking about... I dont think anyone else should have the final say but me.
This lead me to think perhaps if I want to be serious, I should move. However this is expensive and rather dramatic for something so small and simple.
The other plot that I had in mind (which came to me after my shrink told me) that I can have surgery illegally without their permission (but itll make changing my gender later in life harder). BUT, would it be possible to have the surgery and just not tell anyone?
The requirements to change my gender demand that I have two forms of irreversible changes. Hormones being the first and top surgery being the second. But what if (as i would have had my breasts removed secretly) I had some sort of bottom surgery?
An interesting idea.
I think its a shame that someone would have to consider such an insane way around such obstacles in order to rid themselves of a deformity.
onto the progress report
HAIR
My leg hair has grown a lot an after a glance in the mirror, my ass has turned into some sort of forest.
Im also getting darker hairs around my nipples but not so much anywhere else
The hairs on my lips are thickening and multipling. I also have four black hairs on my chin, forming the most pathetic goatee in history. Side burns dont visibly exist but the hair around there is coarser.
Also, might be my imagination but my hairline maaaay be reciding!
FACE
Acne is bad but this is mainly attributed to diet. The Japanese food has really cleared up my skin
DEFINATELY my jaw has changed shape. Ive got a thicker and broader jaw now and it makes me look very manly. Still cute.. but in a more twinkish way.
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5 comments:
Because when you get older - you might learn some patience.
If it needs to happen right now - then you need to convince the good doctor of one simple thing.
"Why does it have to happen right now and why can it not wait 2 years?"
So can you answer him that riddle?
Benedict
Because I find it unfair that I have to suffer for 2 years.
Its like asking a homosexual to remain in the closet until they are of age.
Its unjust,
why should I have to suffer?
And why should the person who makes the decision be a person who has no idea how it is to be in this kind of situation.
I thought that reason was obvious
Cos of little incidents like this
Meaningless words at the moment, but the time will soon fly Alex, and then you will be able to live the rest of your life as you want to.
I hope you're coping ok, I haven't looked on here for a while.
I've also changed my blog, you used to look at my old one, hope you work out who I am!
Just changed my name & location to confuse people! ;-)
Hi Alex, just came across your blog today.
I dont know if you are aware but under the Harry Benjamin Standards of care it is possible to be considered for surgery after a year.
Perhaps the shrink who I suspect is someone I call R1 thinks you need to delve into a more honest and open converstation with them before referring you on.
on the issue of medical treatment for your circumstances aka chest recostruction and lower surgery options
the state of play in south australia is very limited with options as you would be aware.
For those who were born in South Australia or have surgery here and want to change their birth certificate and other docuemnts to reflect their sense of true identity R1 needs to sign off with regards to the forms for the recognition certificate application.
not knowing your place of birth- if you were born somwhere else other than south australia eg like victoria- you may not need r1 to sign off to ammend documenation
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