Back to School

Today I had my first lesson at my new school. Its an adult school and the lessons go for three hours at a time with a short 15 minute break between each.

I sat and didnt do much. Just listened to the teacher lecture. Did a bit of writing.

Name call was interesting. I didnt answer to my name. So the teacher came up to me later and asked who I was and if my name was on the list.

I pointed it out and told him it was to be changed soon anyway so just start calling me Alex.

He agreed easily and commented "Its an usual name. I thought it was only a girls name"

Ah, good to see that some things about school never change.

Ill be visiting the school office tomorrow to see if they can change the name on the records otherwise my terrible name that was given to me at birth (which is really a nice name I suppose - Just not for me) will be printed onto my I.D. Card.

Hmm I just had a brain wave. I should change my name now and get my mum to sign it (Dispite her being against it I know she'd still consent) then I could go get my drivers license! Which saves me waiting till my 18th (which then I dont need consent)
Hmmm.. I might do that.

Ive got a shrink appointment on... Wednesday of this week! Something to look forward to! Except the fact that its eating away at my bank balance. The very same funds which I so dearly need to get me outta this place.

Urg. Damn it. I need a job!

Ah, I tried to open up the subject on transitioning and stuff. I started of (ironically how she started with me) "What do you want me to do for you?". There was this blankness on her face. And on mine. And then me moved on and started talking about something else.

Argh, god Im a coward.

Anyway before I leave you I thought Id give you the lyrics of a song that has stuck with me ever since I first her my mother sing them to me (Is it just me or is that a little ironic too?)

"A Boy Named Sue"
By Johnny Cash

My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,
It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man who gave me that awful name.

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!
Now your gonna die!!"

Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.

And he said: "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's the name that helped to make you strong."

He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!