For the record: No I havent offically started tranistioning. If everything goes smoothly then I should start my offical transition in June/July ish. Thats if Im really lucky
Possible Freak Out Points:
Facial Hair
I KNOW! What the fuck! I want it so badly right? But when something isnt perfect I freak out (Obessive Compulsive anyone?). So I guess I have a worry that I wouldnt be able to groom myself to the standards I hold for myself.
And know you are thinking "Umm Wow, Alex... thats just uh...really over-reacting just a little dont you think? I mean.. .its hair"
To you I say "Yes. Yes it is. Pity my Girlfriend"
And now you realise that I read your mind perfectly and now your thinking "I hope that's shepards pie in my pants"
Indeed.
Yeh, Im getting ahead of myself anyway. So apart from Facial hair worries.... Um... Not being cute is going to take some time to get use to. I play the '12 Year old boy' role and milk that one and its been working for me real well.
But add T and I have to redo my look. Haha
MY SUPPORTER!!! HELP ME!!!!
I thought I should have an idea of what look I want in my future so I made this up...
You know after staring at this for a while Im thinking there isnt much of jump from now to that. Except the boobs. Yes. Must remove boobs *Hand reaches for a knife*
On the topic of BODY!
Today I woke up in immense pain. My tummy hurt so much (muscle cramps). But before going to the kitchen for water I checked myself out in the mirror.
Fucking like this baby!
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And I tried to think of what I was doing the day before to build these muscles..and thus I think Ive found a secret to building rock-hard freakishly sexy abs. Are you listening? You ready? You'll love this I know it.
I spent about 1 hour and 30 minutes yesterday jacking off.
In Total
...
.....
What!
Dont give me that face!
I did some in the morning.. .and then again at night... and then there was a phone call in the middle so I had to answer it, have a drink and go back to work so yeh in total it would have been about an hour and a half.
Scoff all you want. You keep doing your sit ups and Ill just do it my way.
Oh perhaps I should explain why I use the abs while jacking (I do it the same way a bio guy does). I also have this habit of proping myself up which causes me to use the abs.
And yeh, it goes without saying that my arm muscles are developing too. Mayeb its not the T afterall that gives muscle toning... its just all the extra self servicing..
Oh and another thing for the record! Yes! My thrusting has improved! Im still pretty reckless but a definate improvement has been made!
There is also one more thing I wanted to bring up and let you all mellow with.
Sexual Attraction.
Now, men are the easiest to study for this apparently because attraction is orientation. Where that isnt the case with women apparently.
I think back to Waffles Party when a gay guy there was hitting on me thinking I was a boy. Now as soon as he found out I was a girl that disappeared.
I also have had something like this where I was at the train station (In Japan) and spotted a really hot girl. I was thinking about how cool she was and whether or not I would be able to introduce myself (Yes I have that much faith in my looks) but as I got closer to her I totally (internally) freaked. It was a dude! Just dressed in a really feminine way. Instantly my interest turned to a disgust (to be honest). I really dont like guys dressing really girly..
Damn it I just dont like long hair! (<- Im sorry, this is unrelated pent up anger)
So my point after all this rambling is if Gender was Unknown then would we be attracted to anyone without 'sexual orientation' restrictions? Or do you think that there is something deep inside that marks you as 'Female' and that is what you are attracted to opposed to body.
Answering this question would also help me answer the question posed to me often - "Most lesbians like Girly Girls.. but then how come most lesbians dress Masculine and have boyish girlfriends?"
If the fact of KNOWING they are male or female attracts you to them then there would be a clear answer.
Or should that be "Clearer"
Also with my Japanese friend Shin-chan, in my head I read her as.. well.. blank. I read her like I read me. Genderless under close inspection but a man when I think about it quickly. Sorry, all those messy facts aside..
I would have her as my girlfriend. I would date someone like her.
For some reason her boyish-ness is a real turn on.
But if Shin-chan really WAS a guy, I couldnt date her.
So what does that mean?
I enjoy going over this question because like I said, dispite popular belief, I do wanna screw guys. But its always looking at them seperately.
Let me explain that.
About my Girlfriend: I like her personality. She's cute. Her body is sexy. I wanna hold her and make love to her.
But when I look at a guy I never see that "Whole picture". I just see "Nice face". And that 99.9% of the time means "I hope I can look as cool as you after transitioning"
Then there is "Nice body"
90% of the time "I wish it were mine"
"Nice personality"
I think there has been only like one or two guys who have made feel like "I could date you". So this is remains statistically undetermined.
"Nice cock"
..."99.9%" God Id love to ride that (<-Wtf, I know!)
So yeh.. I know Ive rambled so much Ive lost myself *looks at the clock* ah and its 5:15am so thats also a contributing factor to my bullshitting.
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