If you wish to copy this email or just use it as a template - Go nuts
TITLE: NEWS FROM THE WHITEHOUSE!!!
OMG! TH!S i$ T@t4lly R34L!!!!
MSN IS SHUTTING DOWN!! HOW CAN YOU SAVE YOUR ACCOUNT??
You can suck my cock, thats how.
Stupid people you shit me.
Let me just clear things up for you all so you can sleep better at night.
No, MSN isnt shutting down.
No, There isnt some girl with an arm growing out her ass who you are going to magically donate money to by spreading bullshit FWD'd emails.
No, no matter how many people you send a chain mail your crush isnt going to call you up, or date you or have any interest in you as a result.
No, Pressing Alt F4 wont make anything cool pop out. Moron. (You're even thinking about it now, arent you?)
No, no matter how many people you piss off with your chain mail they're not gonna love you for sending them a generic friendship email with pretty pictures and fancy fonts and emoticons that take forever to load on slower connections. In fact, I think they might add you to their hitlist.
No, No matter how many people's email boxes you clog with your cyber crud its not gonna save you from a retarded chick with an acid burnt face and her evil chipmunks from gnawing your nose off.
WHY?
BECAUSE ITS NOT REAL
EVEN IF YOU 'KNOW ITS FAKE', JUST DONT SEND IT ON. FOR ANY REASON. WHAT SO EVER.
OK? GOT IT? DID I BURST YOUR BUBBLE OF SECURITY? YOU ALRIGHT? GOOD
Now lets grow up and move along
What I would like, what I am requesting, is that firstly you FREAKING THINK!
Yeh, some emails are funny. I get it. Well good. Send it to someone you know has the same sense of humour and you can both enjoy it! Yeh! I understand that!
Just a piece of advice here - Your ENTIRE contact list is not going to want the email.
Dont send it to your uncle's niece's friend's cousin's boyfriend's ex's mother whose business card you found in the gutter one day. Ok? People dont appreciate that. Its almost as irritating as receiving a christmas card that has "To blah blah
Nobody wants to think that the only reason you wanna talk to them is so you can score with the hunk or hunkette at your school or so you can have your wish of a fridge full of pastry dishes.
Because that's really selfish
And are we really that insecure and self-centred?
1 comment:
Alex - here is my standard reply to chain mail - may you find it useful.....
Benedict
Thank you for your chain mail, please read this one and have a pleasant day.
1) http://www.snopes.com/luck/chain.asp
2) Hello, my name is Billy and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion f*&king chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe if you send them on, a poor six year old girl in Scotland with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.
And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000?
How stupid are we?
Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!
What a bunch of bullshit.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour.
Fu%k 'em.
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive 5c from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.
I don't f$%king care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
If it's funny, send it on.
Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.
Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.
Have a nice day.
Billy Connolly
P.S: Send me 15 bucks and then f%$k off
3) Dear All
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died interstate (or should that be intestate?).
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mails to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
i have 43,879 pictures of sunsets, 34,785 pictures of nice furry animals and 45,873 pictures of little adorable children, none of whom are mine, decorating my walls,
i have 63,098 pictures of soldiers serving their nation, none of whom are Australian.
I have 38 versions of the little girl at the airport from 37 different airports.
I cannot open my car door from my mobile phone as I have flattened the batteries trying.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's motor mechanic.
By the way...a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
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