Shower revelation

I get a lot of good thinking done in the shower. And today I had a thought I should publish here.

I was wondering about how I would explain how I feel about my identity issues to someone. And I came up with this.

Its like being given high heels to play soccer in. The wrong equipment to play the game.

What I mean is, for all the things about me, it would have been better if I was a boy. With my body, its an uphill battle and there are just some things I cant do. No matter how hard I train I can never be as strong as another male fighter. I cant make the family I want. I cant get married to the woman I love. I'll always have a social barrier with my brothers based on my gender.

I hate being reminded of how Im a gender-fraud, if you will. How Im inadequate.

My girlfriend accidently brought it up twice in the last 24 hours. One remark being about the bedroom (ouch). I feel physically sick from the anger and self-hate and then the hate directed at men in general for getting it easy.

So the question is - how can I deal with it?