I am Alex

Tbow said something to me I'll never forget. Why? Because she tells me often. And thank god she does.

I am the awesome Fry.

With that in mind, lets get down to business about WHO I AM!!!

Review: Im a girl but also a boy.

On the inside, a lot of me is a boy but there is still girl things. Like, I have a heart like a girl. ... or a very sensitive boy.

I like boys fashion. I want to look like a boy. That is more comfortable for me (Body and clothes).

I have 2 genders. When people look at me, I think they can see that.

If I took testosterone my life could be easier. People could see me clearly as "This". People could see clearly "That is a boy".

Not only that, my agenda would fit my body. My goals for how I present myself would match.

When I though about this, I thought "Is it a good idea to change my body for that reason? Its like having plastic surgery because you dont like your nose"

I told Waffles about this and he just said 'Its a different thing'. Is it? Or is it just more acceptable? Lol.


There is another girl who is very very very similar to me. We shall call her Shin. I met Shin in Japan. She is the same age. We both dress in a very boy fashion, we both have had similiar experiences at school, we both want to be a boy, we both live with only our mums and yeh...We became very close because its so rare to find someone so similar to you. Oh, and she is Japanese.

Here is the conversation we had. IF MY TRANSLATION IS WRONG, PLEASE TELL ME!!

Alex says:
おとこなりたいの？ (Do you wanna be a boy?)

しん says:
どうしようね。。。。(Hmmm, I dont know)
しん says:
かんがえてる。。 (Im thinking about it)

Alex says:
おれ。。なりたいけど、なりたくない。。(I...I wanna be a boy but I dont wanna be)
Alex says:
なんかね。。 (like...)
Alex says:
こわいい (Im scared)

しん says:
俺も！！！！！(me too!!)
しん says:
ほんとに、、 同じ感じ！！！！ (Seriously the same feeling!!!!)

Alex says:
Im scared that I become a boy but I dont like it.
Im scared Ill make a bad choice

しん says:
そうだよね。。 (yeh, thats true)
しん says:
俺は、、 (I...)
しん says:
「私は女です」とも言いたくないし、、(I dont wanna say "Im a girl")
しん says:
「俺は男です」とも、言いたくない。。(And I dont wanna say "Im a boy" either)
しん says:
…というか、、言えない…。。？ (so....I shouldnt say anything?)

Alex says:
しんちゃんは女じゃない (You are neither a boy or girl?)
おとこでもない？

しん says:
わからん、、。 (I dont know)
しん says:
女の子が好きだし、、、 (I like girls)
しん says:
立ちションもしたいけど、、、 (I wanna pee standing...but..)

Alex says:
あははは (ahahaha)
Alex says:
ちんこほしい！！！！ (I want a penis!!)

しん says:
そうだねぇ。。 (Yeh, I agree)
しん says:
でも、ペニスあったら、 (But if I had a dick...)
しん says:
かんぺきに男じゃん。。 (I'll be a complete guy, wont I)

Alex says:
うん (Yeh)

しん says:
そんな自信がない、、。 (I dont have that confidence)

Alex says:
？

しん says:
Regret?

Alex says:
Ａｈ．．

しん says:
それに、、(Like...)
しん says:
男の子と話してても、、(Even if I talk with guys...)
しん says:
「一緒じゃない」と思うし、(I'll think "Im not the same as you")
しん says:
女の子と話してても、 (But even if I talk with girls...)
しん says:
同じことを感じる。。。 (Its the same story)

Alex says:
うん (yeh)

しん says:
男でもあるし、女でもある。。。 (Im a boy and Im a girl)
しん says:
でも！ (But!!)
しん says:
男でもないし、女でもない。。。 (Im neither a boy or a girl)

Alex says:
Mmm

しん says:
There are many prejudices in Japan..
しん says:
I'm afraid it a little bit...

Alex says:
Hmmmm
Alex says:
In Australia and Japan, Im not afraid of it (What I mean is, its not my top concern)

しん says:
そうなんだ。。 (Really...)

Alex says:
Now Im scared Because Im a boy and a girl. My body is a girl..
Alex says:
なかはおとこ (But the inside is a boy)
Alex says:
こころは。。。(My heart is...)
Alex says:
Sensitive boy　

しん says:
そうだね！！ (Thats true, huh!)

Alex says:
ははは (hahaha)

しん says:
笑 (Lol)

Alex says:
So Im scared.
People cant understand because I have 2 genders.
Im a boy AND a girl

しん says:
そうだね。。 (yeh. Right)
しん says:
俺も、それこわい。。 (Thats scary for me too)

Alex says:
So Im thinking "Mayve I should change my body"
Inside Im 80% boy

しん says:
そうだね、、そうかも。。 (Yeh. Right. Maybe)

Alex says:
Because people can see clearly I have a boys body!

しん says:
そうだね！！！ (yeh!!!)

Alex says:
しんちゃんもそう？ (You are like that too?)

しん says:
そうなのかな。。。 (Maybe yeh...)
しん says:
なんか、、、 (Like...)
しん says:
My friends look me as girl..
しん says:
But,I love some of them..
しん says:
I want to be seen as boy by them..

Alex says:
Ａｈ．．．　それわかる！！！！！ (Ah, I understand that!!!)

しん says:
でも、、 (But...)
しん says:
I don't know if they see me like that!!!
しん says:
もしかしたら、、 (Maybe If I did it...)
しん says:
ともだちじゃなくなるかもしれない。。 (They might not be my friends)
しん says:
それが、、すごくこわい！！！！ (Thats really scary for me!!!!!)

Alex says:
あぁ。。。そうね。。 (ah, thats true..)

しん says:
俺のmotherは、大丈夫だけど、、(My mum is ok with it but...)
しん says:
Ｒｅｌａｔｉｖｅｓ？

Alex says:
Ｍｍｍ

しん says:
は、ダメかもしれない。。 (They arent ok with it)
しん says:
わからないけど。。 (I dont know but yeh...)

Alex says:
I understand

しん says:
ありがとう！！ (Thanks)

Alex says:
Your younger brother will always be with you (*We call each other brothers)

しん says:
Thanks!!!!!!
しん says:
ME TOO!!!!

*Then we talk about wanting facial hair*

Alex says:
I want a boy's body
ちんこ　Is maybe not important (A penis isnt so important)
Alex says:
Ｂｕｔ，　Ｂｏｄｙ　Ｓｈａｐｅ
Ａｎｄ　筋肉！ (Muscles)

しん says:
そうだね！！ (Yeh!!!!)
しん says:
俺も、胸はいらないし、、 (I really dont need my breasts)

Alex says:
うん！！ (yeh!!)

しん says:
生理もきらい！！！ (I hate my period!!!!!)

Alex says:
あははは (hahahaha)


*Then we talk about how we want kids. And the real reason I want a penis is primarily to make kids*

I dont know but this conversation really made me feel comfortable with myself and with any decision I make.

Which still seems to be take testosterone and change my body.

I suggest that if you are confused that you should reach out and find as many people as you can. People in the same situation and different situation as you. Then you can gain their perspective.

Talking with Shin is good because I can discuss my worries and listen to hers and understand that we are coming from the same place.

Thats it for tonight. Im tired. When I get the photos from Formal I'l put them here and write about it like I promised.

My friends are calling me Alex more often. Its hard to get use to. Im trying to figure out whats "Unnatural" or "Doesnt fit/Work" And what is "Breaking habit"