Im a big boy now!!

Firstly, Thank you Kuni for your kind comments :)

Tbow - I had a dream you msg me when I was desperate for help.

To my new friend Mr. Clarke - Are you still reading this?

To everyone else, friends and so on - Do you know what a chinchilla looks like (AH! Dont use GOOGLE!!!)


Ok, let's recap my last 3 days.

On Wednesday, I went to the cricket with my brother (Redbacks vs Warriors... WE WON!!!). You can actually see me on TV in the reply. We were wrapped up in a very ugly bright orange blanket.. so yeh..it made us very easy to spot later on FOX SPORTS.

My brother was going to the toilet and invited me too (Upon my brothers wishes for my safety, Im not to use toilets unaccompanied. So yes, toilets are now INVITE ONLY premises for me). We went, we peed, we had a good giggle. It was so cold we put the hand dyer down our shirts to warm up.

Then my brother retold the story to mum later. Which...well..wasnt a good idea. She wasnt really angry but she said Im very disappointed in you ###### (<-She used my real first name.)

Afterwards I wanted to watch Silence of the Lambs (which I had never seen before). So I watched it by myself and after my brother and mother had stopped being gross rednecks (I say that with love) they sat and watched it with me.

Well, I had no idea the movie involved some slight transexual issues and what not so there I was thinking that maybe this wasnt the best movie for my mother to be watching.

Ummmmm.... Then what happened...We went home... Ummmm.... I chatted to my fabulous girlfriend. We talked about gender issues and that Im going to change my name on my birthday to Alexander (something something, havent decided) M. Fry.

The M is a girls name. Its my late-grandmas and I would like to keep it as a reminder of her heart that accepted so many.

Recently Ive felt myself shift. Something has moved me towards being ok with transitioning. WIth each day that passes I feel myself getting use to the idea and feeling that hey, I wanna do it.

And that in itself is a little scary. Where did this confidence come from?

Ive also decided that if I do decide to take Testosterone, before I get the first needle I will have a party..

...a T. Party...

(Waits for people to get it)

Ahaha, yes. Im funny :)

Ummm.. Oh yeah!!! The formal is on Monday. And I dont know if I have mentioned by my mother is very against it all because she believes it would be rubbing it in everyones face.

I feel thats a load of crap.

My father says its alright pretty much but its my safety is his biggest concern so maybe if I did wanna do it my way then I would have to make sure no one is gonna hurt me, embarrass me or make my life uncomfortable.

My concerns are in line with Dad's. I cant understand what Mum was saying. I just hope that she was just trying to say the same thing as Dad but kinda got confused and it came out wrong...

So, yeh. My school issued me an invite. I told them the problem. They thought it over. They said there was no problem and that the students wouldnt have an issue with it either (I agree with this on the basis that 1. Most of the people attending are my friends, know me, know my situation. 2. The people whom I dont know so well, I am still on good terms with them. 3. Its the last night we see each other. The focus is more on having fun 4. There are teachers everywhere and everyone is now old enough to be prosecuted as an adult (with the exception of me))

So I said yes, and paid for the night. Which meant that I had 2 days to get the Tux (and do they even have my size!?!)

My (Gay) friend who I shall refer to as Waffles had to pick up his suit. So I met him after work and traveled to Ferrari Formal wear by car with his mother (charming woman).

So Waffles tried on his suit again while I browsed the store. Id told Waffles mum a bit about what was going on. She takes everything on a need-to-know basis. Never probes for information and just leaves everything for you to tell her. So yeh, I told her what she needed to know and she gave me a little had in getting a tuxedo.

And by a hand, I mean that she actually loaned me the money so I could take the tux home (which I didnt actually do, I stored it in her house).

So I was so grateful.

I dont know if many can understand how I felt though.

Ive always wanted to wear a suit. Its just been a dream that Id never thought I could do (until like 20 years later). But there I was infront of the mirror dressed in the finest formal wear. And it ALL fitted!! (yes, ok Ill admit some of it was childrens wear but thats not the point is it!) The point is it fitted and it looked so cool.

I feel so happy. Like I had spurted wings of freedom and was my own man.

Or to be phrased in a less poetic way it felt so...right.. I dunno. It was just me.

I thought I would cry. How lame.

Waffles looked pretty damn cool too. I felt a little silly getting the same style as him but it was purely coincidental. I SWEAR!

When I get photos I'll show you how I looked.

So far this is all been kept out of my mothers knowledge.

Ok, so...what else have I been doing... umm... Oh yeah!! My penis! (what? dont look so shocked)

I was bored last night (<-This is how a lot of my stories start) and I remembered the condoms I took from Waffles. I wiped all that package liquid lube shit of the outside and stuffed it full of flour. Then I doubled bagged it with another condom....Then I stuffed it in my newly purchased BONDS underwear to admire my handy work.

I still have to get Waffles to verify with me but Im sure it looks pretty good.

So after I did all that I then msged Waffles, told him what I did and then the conversation went directly to our sizes (Boys will be boys).

Just a random quote from the conversation (Ill leave you guessing who actually said it) - You do realise if yours is bigger than mine Im going to have to kill you.

Umm...What else...well, I chatted to Waffles Mum about him being Gay and how she felt and if everything was ok and if she had questions (Its like a family thing of theirs not to confront each other which is all good and well but incase she did have any queries I wanted her to know that I was an option). So yeh.. we chatted about that on the way home when it was just the two of us (Waffles was dropped at the city). We then discussed butch dykes and whats the deal with wearing boys stuff. Why do they do it?

I have no idea! 'Cause they like it? I also threw the possibility out that in order to catch a femme girlfriend they wanted to be butch. Reflecting on that, I dunno if thats a good answer.. but whatever. I guess the best answer is people are people and we do whatever we do for our own personal reasons.

NOW!! FOR THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY EVENING!!!

I finally used the toilet standing up!! YAY!!! I can pee like a boy!!

This is after a weeks practicing in the shower and bath tub. I remember my first attempt. It was so weird standing to pee but at the same time it was so cool. Cool until I pissed on my leg.

And thats why we practice NAKED in the SHOWER. So if we do have an accident, its no big deal.

Well, today I decided I was good enough to risk the ceramic bowl of doom.

I took off my underwear (just incase) and stood, and peed. I felt so happy with myself.

It was pretty loud though. So I did what this comedian once said about peeing on the edge of the bowl to make it quieter (actually, worked!)

So after I shook and flushed I started to laugh.

Im a 17 year old biological girl.
I just took first piss in a toilet standing up.
And I didnt miss.

Living with me at the moment are two boys in their early 20s. And these guys are terrible aims. They freaking miss ALL the time. So when I use the bathroom there is usually piss on the floor. LOL.

Sorry, I just had to get it off my chest. I hate it when people make a mess like that and DONT clean it up.

So, thats pretty much it from me. Ive been drinking a lot of water (pee practice!)
I'll let you know how the formal went when I wake up Tuesday morning!!

Love you all.
Take care

Here are some random photos of me.

1. Me and my new BONDS briefs. Its weird when you get excited about buying your own underwear...but then again freedom can be anything



2. This is me doing what I do everytime before I have a shower.. inspecting my face for acne and facial hairs (not needed I know..but if it keeps me happy then who is to say its wrong?)



3. What I have I learnt today - Some things in life you can half ass..and shaving isnt one of them



4. Annnnnd this is me in the bathtub which is something I do from time to time.. No I never put water in there (Note: I have a fear of water). I just enjoy the privacy, good lighting and good acoustics.