I here voices every now and again. Not so bothersome.
Last night I got reeaaally drunk so this morning I didnt feel too good.
I still have a depression however its more loneliness.
Im still having trouble with my chest. Its growing and the more it does, the more destressed Im becoming.
Its too the point where the binder cant really do much anymore. Though, I still wear it because my boobs are a really weird shape so without it, it looks like Im smuggling pears.
Its so tempting to just hack away at it.
I have to be a year on T. before any surgeon would let me have them removed. Personally, I think thats bullcrap. They are worried that I might (like others have done) change my mind and sue. Which I think is just terrible on the patients part!
There is a lot of biting the hands that feed us going on.
I think even if I offered to sign into a contract where as I wouldnt sue they still wouldnt let me do it.
Im just really... well...scared.
I dont wanna grow up so fast.
I want a little while where Im me. Twelve year old boy me!!!
Before I start getting all hairy and smelly.
It makes me feel something inside. I think its a sadness. Like Ive lost something. I wonder if such a feeling is common.
I know everyone is just trying to follow rules. Ive said this. Its like my mantra so I dont go postal on their jolly asses.
But..ah.. at the same time I feel like something has been stolen from me.
The 20th of May will be the last time I have to see my shrink. We'll go through the effects of hormone treatment then I get my referral to someone else whom I must see only once. Then there will be a meeting (to which Im not invited) and then Ill find out whether or not I can start T.
Most likely Yes.
Although this is good news, very much so, I feel like its not worth getting excited about.
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A detailed log as I discover myself and my identity
3 comments:
Be strong Alex, be strong! A year sounds like an awful ong time, a lifetime! But it's not long at all, beleive me the football season has just finished, so that's another year of my life gone!
And think of your boobs another way: not just lumps of flesh, but part of being a 'real bloke'...you know ten pints a night, let's himself go a bit, and suddenly he's got 'man boobs'! ;-)
hope you don't mind me trying to make light of a very difficult situation for you, but honestly, time does fly, and you will soon be the geezer you want to be.
fight those self harm urges, 'cos if you do harm yourslef badly it'll just give the qucks an excuse you're not as stable as you are. If you are truly 'mad' for fuck sake please hide it from them!
Look after yourself mate!
Oh, and how did your lunch go with you TG mates go?
yeah, what Fatalist said, drink enough booze, get a fat enough gut and blokes develop man-boobs... they can even sometimes lactate!
Benedict
Man boobs! Woman boobs are trouble enough with the mammograms and monthly self-check and guys thinking that's where they should focus their eyes . . . What do guys do about man boobs, visually speaking anyway? Do they stare?
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