Shameful

Alex currently unavailable due to his currently 'Spicing up his life'.

I dont care what anyone says... Spice girls had some damn good songs and yes, let me be the first to admit that I do dance to them.

*switches Ipod to harcore techno in fear of losing masculinity*

So... here I am surrounded by beer bottles and two large beer boxes that are empty. And Im starting to wonder - why always is the beer gone?!

By a very kind donation Im in the process of obtaining more vials of man juice.
Waffles.. if you read this. Shut up. Dont tell anyone. I didnt even wanna tell you. Im sorry, dont hate me. Also kudos on finally commenting. I had to rush to the window to see if any renagade pigs were kamikaze-ing.

BRIEF HISTORY
Kamikaze origanal reference was to the the typhoon that rescued Japan from invasion by the huns. The freak storm broke the ships and forced the huns to return home. The Japanese then believed their land to be protected by a divine god and called the miracle Divine Wind. Kami meaning God and Kaze meaning wind.

Later in WW2 the Japanese used the suicide pilots hoping that this god guided wind would have the same effect as the first time.

Unforutnately not eh...whatever..

Back on track.

Im in the process of being referred which means Im at step 3 of the transition road.
1. See your GP
2. See a shrink
3. See another
3,a) Maybe another one
4. Get your drugs
5. Have surgery

Tomorrow I get a call back from the plastic surgeon. I get to see what they say about admitting me early. Yes, my breasts are still causing me great distress.

Apparently I get to skip 3a because thats only if there might be some underlying psychological problem.

In regards to the voices, halluciantions, trouble looking at patterns, weird pairing of stimuli (like I eat chocolate and taste tuna)... Ive been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

What EXACTLY Im borderling (between what and what) I have no idea. But I know this is a dumping ground diagnoses.

Upon request of my shrink Ive been removed from meds. So... its been a terrifying week and a bit.

Normally I feel nothing but when Im in a stressful position I freak out completely and various things happen.

I dont really mind its just that people are usually around me when I flip out and its that I dont like. For example my friend was on the phone when my mind clicked onto something negative (which sets off my stress) and I started to scream. Yes, quite a fright for her.

In completely unrelated news I bought this towel thats like a pancho. The pattern is a lion so the idea is when you wear it you look like the lion. FREAKING love it.

People at school have found out Im a girl but it hasnt caused much of a stir but I have recieved some minor harrassment from these bastards. They wanna pick a fight with me and I'd take it if they werent twice my height, size and yeh..there is two of them.

That and the fact that they belong to an ethnic gang.

Argh. Yeh. It stresses me completely. I have no idea what to do. The usual advice is "Ignore them". But Ive done that. My life before now was nothing but that. But it didnt stop it, it didnt make me feel good. It made me lose repect for myself.

I cant dob them in. They havent done anything except threaten. So if I take it to the officals it gets quickly dismissed and Im then under the eye of the teachers. And yet again, I lose respect for myself.

So..

with me feeling all suicidal and all. Im gonna take them on and get a whole can of whop ass dumped on me.

Love and Cheese