Yeh, Foilwoman is right mate. SSRI's are antidepressants. Ive probably been on them for..I dunno... Since the start of the year if not a little longer?
The reason I went off...
Hard to pin point...
I think one thing was disappointing my girlfriend. When I can get any reaction from myself while making love to her or anything makes me feel..really bad. And it's really bad for her too.
Oh and you know what's funny? I still wanted to kill myself.
The difference is there was no "heart wrenching" feeling. You know that chest squeezing feeling when you lose somene you love? Yeh, its like that but blacker and tastes like loathing.
That seems to act like a motivation to get the rope out from the shed.
Where as on the medication I would still be planning and have the "I should jump onto the train tracks". But you dont know why.
I also continued to cut myself from time to time. I dont know why.
Oh.
Yeh.
My chest keeps growing and I wanted it gone.
Perhaps I was drunk but yeh I dont really remember much of the night and Ive got these cuts over my chest
No, my doctor doesnt know about me dropping the meds.
Bless him
Oh and minor hallucinations have set in. They are so minor though I dont even know if I could call them hallucinations but going under the definition of 'seeing something that is not real and induced by the mind', Im saying they are.
Just things move and look like something else when they're not.
Today I felt pretty good. Nothing wrong. Voices are quiet. Ive been thinking though.. I dont want Abraxas to come back so Im inclined to go back on the meds.
Wow, Im scared of myself! hahahaha
Oh and I cut Waffle's hair :)
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A detailed log as I discover myself and my identity
2 comments:
Go back on the meds!
No matter how mad you think you are the anti depressants are there to help you!
Give them another try, if there are still side effects from them then see your quack & tell him/her how you feel on them, & ask them to change them.
I'm glad that they are 'only' anti-depressants though, I was worried in case they would effect your gender change if they were part of all that!
I am only 'slightly' less worried about you now! ;-)
I'm hoping that by now you've made and appointment with and are seeing your doctor. You worried about your girlfriend -- well, I can tell you, as someone married to someone who had hallucinations: a low sex drive can be cured with toys and manual and oral dexterity. Hallucinations are cured, at least their very negative effect on a partner, by the partner departing. Especially if the hallucinating party could take medicine to relieve the partner's worry and doesn't. Just my take. Being a good boyfriend/man, in my book, means generally remaining sane and competent in the present of the woman to whom you hope to partner. Just MHO, YMMV, but there you are.
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