Progress Report

Its been 1 week on the new drugs (yay! drugs!) and Ive had no adverse side-effects and the injection site was healed and painless less that 24 hours later.

I have been very much in the mood to be active (Read: Beat the crap out of someone) and apart from that and my awful body odor there have been no changes.

I shaved my peach fuzz off.

Reandron

The latest T. Drug to rock our worlds. Alex here to give you the inside scoop on what the FTM community has to say.

"Ive had 2 periods now and keep getting migraines......and the worst part of it is that the endo didnt say that this might happen. I really wasn't informed about the possibility of my periods coming back...which after 6 months of not having them
has just made me hit rock bottom, like all the progress id been making
is back to zero.
"

And pretty much its been a negative impression all-round.

Unfortunately the packaging doesnt say anything about the adverse affects on FTMs (this generation is still the lab rats, its seems). So what it does entail is the possibility of water retention, rashes, the runs, headaches and such. Which admittedly is similar to the sustanon.

Im happy to deal with all of the above but not my period. I stand by my decision though. Ill keep the world updating on how it all pans out.

Oh and Ill be starting antidepressants (Same as last time) as of tomorrow.

Weirdest looking boy I've ever seen

I felt really down since about 9:30am this morning. As usual I was comparing myself to my girlfriend's lastest ex- ..err.. ex-fuck? Anyway, the last guy she fucked that wasnt me. And yeh, compared to that guy I feel really incompetant. The fact that he's 25 also gives him a good head start on everything.

Umm. Im trying to explain my feelings logicly but it doesnt work because feelings arent logic.

I dont like bio-males. I feel in competition. One that Im bound to lose. And its not just my body that I feel is getting me down but its my mind.

Ive gotten scatter-brained I guess. My world was completely destroyed last year. I lost goals, I lost the things I loved (my hobbies) and as a result of my own stupid actions I cut the thin ties I had with my family.

So Im ..without a ground-level (Im referring to the pyramid thing to reach self actualisation).

Anyway, so after trying to pick myself up (after picking myself apart) I got home and felt terrible. Advice from a friend reminded me that all problems I have stem from the inability to accept and love myself.

Then I went to return a video with my mum and she (on the topic of me going to work in the mines) out right said "You cant go there because you'll just get raped". It was a real quick sentence that hit me like a pie to the face.

I just dont see myself as the type that every guy wants to plow. Seeing as there are a handful of women up there who would be better raping material. That and Im freakishly strong. Muahaha.

So, yeh my mum quickly went on to spit that I couldnt stay in the mens dorms nor the womens dorms. "You've messed yourself up. You just dont fit in anywhere".
*cue silence inwhich I pray for some sort of miracle that would correct me into any gender norm*

After dropping off the video I came back to my room to feel bad. I wanted to cry so bad but I let it stay in (something I find very easy to do with the lack of girly hormones in my system ^^). I stripped off my shirt and looked at my red-eyed half-naked self in the mirror.

My reflection is so interesting. Because its half of what I see and half of what everyone else must see. Ive got this boyish body. Its beautiful. I think so.

And then Ive got breasts.
Like god misplaced my ball sack.
Its really weird.

And it made me laugh.
Im the weirdest looking boy Ive ever seen.
But Im still a boy

Progress Report

I had my make-up shot of T yesterday and to change the pace a little - Asuka gave it to me.

The most terrifying moment Ive ever experienced.
By far.

I kind of swithced between two personalities. One that was calm and trying to tell Asuka that she will do a fantastic job and the other which was a panicked mess. And you cant blame me!
Here I was at the mercy of my syringe-brandishing girlfriend. Isnt that how most murder stories begin?????

As soon as she aimed it into my muscle I became very interesting in a poster on the wall. For the life of me though I cannot remember what it was talking about but in that instant it was the only thing in my world.

And then it was over. I hardly felt a thing. She did a fantastic job, really!
I was alive!
The hard part was over! YAY!

So we went on our way to the shops after that and I took a seat while Asuka went to the bathroom. In hindsight I should have gone too.
Because as soon as I sat down to rest my stressed body, the urine I had been holding in while I was being injected suddenly gushed out.

I could explain in detail but pretty much how it happened was I wet myself while getting the needle (only a little!!!) and it had been kept inside my body until Id sat down...

So what an interesting end to a lovely day.

Progress Report

I went to hospital to get an adjustment on my binder. The lady redid the measurements and she was surprised. She was like "How did I make such a mistake with the measurement!?"

It turns out that Ive grown all over about 2cms on average. Even my shoulders have grown which baffled her the most.

My voice is going up and down its depressing.

My period has stopped which Im thrilled. And because of the blood test I had to miss my shot. So Im panicked that its gonna start back up again. But I think I mentioned that before.