Weirdest looking boy I've ever seen

I felt really down since about 9:30am this morning. As usual I was comparing myself to my girlfriend's lastest ex- ..err.. ex-fuck? Anyway, the last guy she fucked that wasnt me. And yeh, compared to that guy I feel really incompetant. The fact that he's 25 also gives him a good head start on everything.

Umm. Im trying to explain my feelings logicly but it doesnt work because feelings arent logic.

I dont like bio-males. I feel in competition. One that Im bound to lose. And its not just my body that I feel is getting me down but its my mind.

Ive gotten scatter-brained I guess. My world was completely destroyed last year. I lost goals, I lost the things I loved (my hobbies) and as a result of my own stupid actions I cut the thin ties I had with my family.

So Im ..without a ground-level (Im referring to the pyramid thing to reach self actualisation).

Anyway, so after trying to pick myself up (after picking myself apart) I got home and felt terrible. Advice from a friend reminded me that all problems I have stem from the inability to accept and love myself.

Then I went to return a video with my mum and she (on the topic of me going to work in the mines) out right said "You cant go there because you'll just get raped". It was a real quick sentence that hit me like a pie to the face.

I just dont see myself as the type that every guy wants to plow. Seeing as there are a handful of women up there who would be better raping material. That and Im freakishly strong. Muahaha.

So, yeh my mum quickly went on to spit that I couldnt stay in the mens dorms nor the womens dorms. "You've messed yourself up. You just dont fit in anywhere".
*cue silence inwhich I pray for some sort of miracle that would correct me into any gender norm*

After dropping off the video I came back to my room to feel bad. I wanted to cry so bad but I let it stay in (something I find very easy to do with the lack of girly hormones in my system ^^). I stripped off my shirt and looked at my red-eyed half-naked self in the mirror.

My reflection is so interesting. Because its half of what I see and half of what everyone else must see. Ive got this boyish body. Its beautiful. I think so.

And then Ive got breasts.
Like god misplaced my ball sack.
Its really weird.

And it made me laugh.
Im the weirdest looking boy Ive ever seen.
But Im still a boy